The Blog of Record

A guy develops artificial-intelligence technology and the only marketable application he’s been able to find for it is a 5-foot-7, 120-pound talking sex robot. Or so he says.

A simple list of telltale signs that can save a man a lot of grief. Or help him have a lot of fun. Some of the signs are pretty surprising.

Answering the question “why do they hang like that?” is the key to understanding everything else about this part of the male human body.

A bizarre court case in Australia involving woman – dog sex caught on camera, blackmail, and the woman forcing her 15-year-old daughter to have sex with the blackmailer in exchange for the photos:

A Queensland mother has admitted to begging and slapping her daughter when she refused to have sex with her then 32-year-old partner.

Giving evidence in court, the woman said her partner had threatened to release bestiality photos involving her if she did not get her 15-year-old daughter to sleep with him, the Townsville Bulletin reports.

The woman said that after a night of heavy drinking, the man had taken photographs of her having sex with his cattle dog Buster.

When he then blackmailed her she asked her daughter to have sex with him.

”She said ‘no’ straight up,” the Townsville Bulletin quoted the woman as saying.

In an attempt to recover the bestiality images in a swap, the mother then took photos of her daughter naked and gave them to the man.

But the man allegedly continued to demand sex with her daughter and the girl refused.

”It was something she didn’t want to do,” the woman said.

Desperate for the photos to remain a secret, the woman took her daughter to a local hotel and booked two rooms.

They had some dinner and alcohol before the man arrived and she left them alone together.

When the woman saw her daughter again she was upset and crying but told her nothing had happened.

Two weeks later, the pair was staying at the man’s house when he allegedly demanded sex from the daughter.

It seems from the rest of the story that the girl ended up being raped repeatedly.

I wonder if Mommy explained to her why exactly she wanted her to sleep with the man.

Click here (probably NSFW).

(Via David Tsikaluri.)

It’s one of those things where the theory says there is a difference but practice doesn’t support the theory.

It’s also one of those things where if you have to ask, you know the answer.

An article (with an NSFW video gallery) discussing every hypothesis of why animals masturbate – except the most obvious one: because it feels good. Not scientific enough, I guess.

Pretty much everyone who bothers to have sex, that is.

Masturbation is pro-life:

Does God want you to masturbate?

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, masturbation is “intrinsically and gravely disordered.” That’s because “sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.” If you aren’t making babies, you can’t play with the equipment.

But what if playing with the equipment helps you make babies?

Research made public last week suggests precisely that. In a paper presented to the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology, Dr. David Greening, an Australian infertility expert, reports that 81 percent of the men in his study significantly improved their sperm quality, as measured by DNA fragmentation, through a simple one-week program.

The program was so easy that even the average guy could follow it. According to a summary of the study, “The men were instructed to ejaculate daily.”

Sounds like a plan. But what about women? Does God want them to masturbate?

The National Health Service, Britain’s socialized health care system, is telling kids they have a right to a good sex life - and should exercise this right every day to strengthen the heart:

The NHS is telling pupils they have a ‘right’ to an enjoyable sex life in a leaflet being sent to schools.

It encourages them to consider an ‘orgasm a day’ as a way [to] reduce the risk of heart attacks and stroke.

And if they can’t get sex, the leaflet says children should consider masturbation.

The advice appears in guidance circulated to parents, teachers and youth workers. It says experts have for too long concentrated on the need for ’safe sex’ and loving relationships – while ignoring the main reason people have sex, for enjoyment. . . .

The leaflet has come to light just a week after it emerged that a £6million initiative to reduce teenage pregnancies more than doubled the number of girls conceiving.

The Government-backed scheme tried to persuade teenage girls not to get pregnant by handing out condoms and teaching them about sex. But a study in the British Medical Journal found girls on the scheme were ’significantly’ more likely to fall pregnant than other girls.

Now criticism is focused on the new leaflet, entitled Pleasure, which has been drawn up by Sheffield primary care trust.

Under the heading ‘an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away’, it says: ‘Health promotion experts advocate five portions of fruit and veg a day and 30 minutes [of] physical activity three times a week.

‘What about sex or masturbation twice a week?

[The leaflet's author said] that as long as teenagers are fully informed about sex and are making decisions free of peer pressure and as part of a caring relationship, they have as much right as an adult to a good sex life.

Plus this:

Two years ago a charity said masturbation techniques should be taught to children in sex education classes.

The Family Planning Association suggested that pupils should be shown explicit videos of masturbation at school – but family values campaigners said the proposal was nothing more than the promotion of pornography.

Little wonder that hundreds of thousands of Brits flee the country every year.

Two stories in the post and another eighty-something in the comments.

I like this one:

I’m pretty sure it was the night that I said to him, “Come on, can we please have sex, I think I’m really fertile!” We laugh because it really wasn’t romantic, but hey, it worked!

(Via Daniel Smith.)

Nadya Suleman worked as a stripper who danced totally nude and was fired for breaking the rules – letting men touch her and touching them. Can’t say I’m surprised.

People these days believe that any pain should – and can – be completely removed from their lives, and substituted with pleasure: If your childbirth is not an hours-long orgasm, you’re doing it wrong.

New-Agey video here.

They found a way to work gay sex into a condom commercial. (Probably NSFW.)

Plus behind-the-scenes outtakes.

(Via David Thompson.)

She’s not a prostitute – she’s doing it for her Marriage and Family Therapy thesis project! No, really. She was empowered by her Women’s Studies professors who gave her “permission to think differently and form a moral code of [her] own design”.

That’s what a British study has found:

“Women’s orgasm frequency increases with the income of their partner,” said Dr Thomas Pollet, the Newcastle University psychologist behind the research.

He believes the phenomenon is an “evolutionary adaptation” that is hard-wired into women, driving them to select men on the basis of their perceived quality.

The study is certain to prove controversial, suggesting that women are inherently programmed to be gold-diggers.

However, it fits into a wider body of research known as evolutionary psychology which suggests that both men and women are genetically predisposed to ruthlessly exploit each other to achieve the best chances of survival for their genes.

And it’s not just slightly more:

“Increasing partner income had a highly positive effect on women’s self-reported frequency of orgasm. More desirable mates cause women to experience more orgasms.”

Plus, the purpose of female orgasms finally uncovered:

“They could promote emotional bonding with a high-quality male or they could serve as a signal that women are highly sexually satisfied, and hence unlikely to seek sex with other men,” he said. “What those orgasms are saying is ‘I’m extremely loyal, so you should invest in me and my children’.”

So that’s why women like rich men – because they give them more orgasms.

˙sǝıpnʇs s,uǝɯoʍ

Of course. Guess her other major.

˙ʎdɐɹǝɥʇ ʎlıɯɐɟ puɐ ǝƃɐıɹɹɐɯ

Naturally.

The 82-year-old horny kid with lots of money and twin-sister girlfriends 63 years his junior talks about his new biography by Steven Watts.

That’s a bailout I can believe in! And hey, they aren’t asking for much – only $5 billion  “just to see [them] through hard times”!