The Blog of Record

How to get motorists to slow down:

Trying to survive under Robert Mugabe: When an elephant dies of old age in a Zimbabwe national park, hundreds of starving villagers fight and stab each other for its meat:

Photographer David Chancellor said: ‘Just after dawn a villager spotted the carcass as he passed on a bicycle.

‘It was in the middle of nowhere, but within 15 minutes hundreds of people had arrived from all directions.

‘The women formed a ring around the elephant and the men stood inside, fighting and stabbing each other to get to the meat.’

He added: ‘The meat was taken back to homes. Some was eaten immediately but most was dried on washing lines and stored to eat later.

‘There were celebrations in the surrounding villages for the next two nights.’

Look at the photo. This is what Zimbabweans should do with Mugabe.

Some of them do look like they could do that:

When a gunman stormed a Simi Valley dental office last summer and shot Lydia Carranza in the chest, salvation may have come in the shape of her size-D breast implant.

That’s the theory at least of a Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon who hopes to drum up support to defray the costs of Carranza’s reconstructive surgery.

“She’s just one lucky woman,” said Dr. Ashkan Ghavami, who says he will perform the surgery for next to nothing but has urged Carranza to tell her story in hopes of getting implant companies to donate the supplies.

Ghavami contends that the implant absorbed much of the bullet’s impact, limiting most of the damage to the breast itself.

“I saw the CT scan,” he said. “The bullet fragments were millimeters from her heart and her vital organs. Had she not had the implant, she might not be alive today.”

Like all cults, the global-warming religion attracts a certain kind of people:

A seven-month-old baby girl survived three days alone with a bullet in her chest beside the bodies of her parents and toddler brother.

Argentines Francisco Lotero, 56, and Miriam Coletti, 23, shot their children before killing themselves after making an apparent suicide pact over fears about global warming.

Their son Francisco, two, died instantly after being hit in the back.

But their unnamed daughter cheated death after the bullet from her dad’s handgun missed her vital organs. . . .

Her parents said they feared the effects of global warming in a suicide note discovered by police.

In March, Italy will open the first prison designed exclusively for transgender inmates. Interesting tidbit: most of the 30 transgender criminals were convicted for prostitution or drug-related offences. Victimless crimes – if you don’t count the taxpayers, who are left with the bill for building the prisons and keeping the prisoners in.

No, not a joke:

When it comes to hiring staff, there are plenty of legal pitfalls employers need to watch out for these days.

So recruitment agency boss Nicole Mamo was especially careful to ensure her advert for hospital workers did not offend on grounds of race, age or sexual orientation.

However, she hadn’t reckoned on discriminating against a wholly different section of the community – the completely useless.

When she ran the ad past a job centre, she was told she couldn’t ask for ‘reliable’ and ‘hard-working’ applicants because it could be offensive to unreliable people.

Mrs Mamo, a divorced mother of two, added: ‘I had to battle to have “must speak English”, which they also said was discriminatory.

You never hear about ridiculous PC tyranny like this in any of the new democracies in Eastern Europe, nor in some third-world hell hole like Russia or Yemen. No, it’s always a declining Western country that, by habit, calls itself a democracy. Usually Britain.

Government-provided health care: cancer sufferers are denied treatment because it’s deemed too expensive, but their taxes are used to pay for a 16-year-old’s sex-change operation.

Goel Ratzon, 60, is alleged to have kept the women and children as slaves in squalid apartments around Tel Aviv, and suspected of fathering children with some of his own daughters. How did he manage to get so many women? He picked Orthodox Jews and told them he was the messiah.

It’s always great when you know exactly what you are looking for:

Full text:

I am truly searching for a Nigerian lady of Igbo origin for a loving relationship that would lead to marraige. The lady in question should be Nigerian born and breed or American born but Nigerian style breed. She should be able to communicate effectively in Igbo language. She has to come from these states in order of priority- Anambra, Imo, Abia, Delta (the Igbo speaking part), Enugu and lastly Ebonyi. Please find below an abridged description of my dream woman.

EDUCATION/PROFESSIONALISM
The lady should possess or aspiring to possess a minimum of a college degree in any field of human endeavour except nursing. I do not have anything against nurses please just preference. Possession of advanced degree or aspiration towards one is a big plus. An academic or aspiring academic or someone who is/would be close to the academic industry is strongly desired but not essential. Also someone interested in government/statutory establishments where a whole lot of brain activity goes on is highly welcomed.

RELIGION
She must be a practicing Christian of any known denomination. I am an Anglican (Episcopalian) but I am open to accommodate any place where the word of God is spoken. By known denomination, I mean those who abide by the word not those who bring in unexplained culture/practices or those who dress in a specific colour during worship. I am independent of the control some Nigerian style churches try to impose on its members. This means that I go to church to meet God and not the pastor. The pastor’s word is not law to me. I expect the woman in question to feel the same.

PERSONALITY
Good looking woman who is very confident in herself. I generally prefer chocolate coloured women but not totally averse to light skinned black women. She should be tall or average height but minimum of 5 feet and 5 inches tall; she must not necessarily qualify for the Miss World contest. She should be between the ages of 23 to 27 years. She should be in the mould/spirit of Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Professor Dora Akunyili, Condolezza Rice, Oby Ezekwesili, my major professor in my undergraduate days back home in Nigeria and other women of substance known to her. She must be able to initiate an intelligent discussion or sustain one when initiated. She has to be a romantic woman in the real sense of it. She must enjoy a good laugh, playful as I am too, not suffer from mood swings and generally the easy going but principled person.

LOCATION AND OTHERS
Anyone living within and around the DFW metroplex is strongly encouraged as I would not have the time to travel down to Houston or elsewhere to see you at this moment. She should be a good cook able to produce the Nigerian brand at any time subject to availability. She has to be a lover of children and a keen disciplinarian who believes in spare the rod and spoil the child, she must not be a woman of glamour and style, and she has to be humane, sensitive to the sufferings of the underprivileged people. She must be generous willing to accommodate others including strangers. She has to have the Nigerian discipline especially when relating with our elders. I have a happy family back home in Nigeria and not willing to sacrifice its happiness for any lady whosoever without valid reasons. She has to be happy being the woman in the relationship; I am not given to role reversal. Again I have intentions of living in Nigeria sometime in the future. This should not be a problem for the woman in question. She is more than welcomed to stay back in America and pay occasional visits to Nigeria when I am done living here. She must not be self centred (Ikpa oke) as I dislike this attitude passionately.

ABOUT ME
I am from Anambra state, I was born into a happy home, my parents both literate middle class Nigerians. I am a Doctoral student in one of the Universities within DFW metroplex, Aged 30. Average height and not so dark coloured (fair). I am aspiring to become a college professor and also do consultations work in my area of expertise. I am also interested in working at the global level such as the United Nations. I am progressive minded, love people especially the hurting. I am not glamorous; I have just enough money to cover my needs but not my wants, this does not bother me one bit because I am work in progress. I am making a genuine attempt at finding this woman described therein and fostering a loving relationship. Please do not get me wrong, I am not shy to approach a lady but I just do not see the ones I am looking for due to location and time. I would want to know the lady to the point of predicting her actions and inactions. I am not offering/promising marriage in the next six months. I must be confident about you because this is a committed step in one’s live and has to be done properly. I do not smoke anything, I have never bought cigarettes. I am a social drinker but can do without liquor even though I know that the best brains are preserved in alcohol (laughs). I do not discuss people more than I discuss issues. I am a planner and very passionate in all I do. I love my family members and I expect you to love your family and mine too. Please this is not a booty call, if you are lonely and need a quick fix, please find someone else. If you fit the bill, kindly email me and we would work towards taking it from there.
God bless you.

Some people were not meant to leave offspring.

(Via Linkfilter.)

The following poem is from Al Gore’s new global warming propaganda book, Our Choice. I can clearly see a Nobel prize for literature in his future.

One thin September soon

A floating continent disappears

In midnight sun

Vapors rise as

Fever settles on an acid sea

Neptune’s bones dissolve

Snow glides from the mountain

Ice fathers floods for a season

A hard rain comes quickly

Then dirt is parched

Kindling is placed in the forest

For the lightning’s celebration

Unknown creatures

Take their leave, unmourned

Horsemen ready their stirrups

Passion seeks heroes and friends

The bell of the city

On the hill is rung

The shepherd cries

The hour of choosing has arrived

Here are your tools

Vanity Fair is extatic: “equal parts beautiful, evocative, and disturbing”. Well, at least they got one part right. More from their fawning review:

The result is a surprisingly accomplished, nuanced piece of writing. The images Gore conjures in his (untitled) poem turn a neat trick: they are visually specific and emotionally arresting even as they are scientifically accurate.

Jesus guys, don’t you have an Internet connection? You’ve surely heard of the Internet – you know, Gore’s other great gift to mankind? Try Googling Climategate when you have the time. You’ll learn a lot.

They must have an unlimited supply of taxpayer money if they think this is a legitimate way to spend it.  They also have videos on how to read a map (map reading courses are available from the council) and how to use a mobile phone (”I have my phone firmly in my right hand and then select the digit of choice – in my case, the left index finger. Place your finger on the button…”).

The British authorities obviously see themselves as caring parents, and their subjects as little children who must be guided by the hand because they can’t be trusted to take care of themselves. People who can take care of themselves don’t make good subjects.

If I don’t like the idea of cows dropping turds on my unmarked grave, does it make me a Gaia-hating global warming denialist?

A new company is turning the funeral business on its head and will bury people vertically.

The unique scheme, about to be launched in Melbourne, Australia, is being offered as a simple, natural and economical approach to burial.

The deceased are placed in biodegradable bag and then lowered feet first into a cylindrical hole just over two feet wide and about 10 feet deep.

Company Upright Burials claims it is a world first and the method produces far less carbon dioxide than a regular burial. . . .

The company has been granted permission to carry out the bizarre burials at a four hectare site two hours west of Melbourne, in Victoria, Australia.

It hopes to bury between 30,000 and 40,000 people in the field.

And when the land is full, it will be transferred back to pasture. . . .

And rather than a headstone above each body, the company will simply inscribe the names of those buried on a memorial wall.

I think they’re doing it wrong, though:

The upright burials are set to cost £1,500 – the average Australian funeral costs almost £4,000.

They should charge ten times the price of a normal burial, and market to rich liberals worried that every breath they take and every fart they make will kill a polar bear. That’s the way to get rich.

If you think a dog chasing its tail is silly, look at this:

It apperas that someone, somewhere keeps records on who has smoked the most weed over his lifetime, and that the new record-holder is a humble medicinal marijuana user from Florida named Irvin Rosenfeld:

The 56-year-old Fort Lauderdale stockbroker will put his name among the greats when he sets a world record tomorrow for weed consumption while lighting up his 115,000th joint.

The best part is that it’s all legal.

“Yep, provided by Uncle Sam,” Rosenfeld told NBCMiami.com. “They grow it for me, I find that quite ironic.”

Rosenfeld’s pot has been provided by the government since 1982, when he became a patient in the Federal Drug Administration’s Investigational New Drug Program. Grown on a farm on the campus of the University of Mississippi, the weed is delivered to a local pharmacy where Rosenfeld gets it by the bushel.

Rosenfeld suffers from a rare bone disorder called multiple congenital cartilaginous exostoses, which causes severe pain, alleviated by a healthy dose of ganja.

He’s been getting 300 joints every 25 days for the past 27 years, and said he smokes between 10 and 12 per day.

“The first thing I do every morning is smoke two joints as I watch my business shows,” Rosenfeld said. “Then another on my drive to work.”

Lords, they know what’s best for the rest of us peasants:

[Head of the Environment Agency] Lord Smith of Finsbury believes that implementing individual carbon allowances for every person will be the most effective way of meeting the targets for cutting greenhouse gas emissions.

It would involve people being issued with a unique number which they would hand over when purchasing products that contribute to their carbon footprint, such as fuel, airline tickets and electricity.

Like with a bank account, a statement would be sent out each month to help people keep track of what they are using.

If their “carbon account” hits zero, they would have to pay to get more credits.

Those who are frugal with their carbon usage will be able to sell their unused credits and make a profit.

Lord Smith will call for the scheme to be part of a “Green New Deal” to be introduced within 20 years when he addresses the agency’s annual conference on Monday.

But not to worry – it will only affect those evil rich people:

An Environment Agency spokesman … said: “A lot of people who cycle will get money back. It will probably only be bankers and those with extravagant lifestyles who would lose out.”

If you still can’t see that left-wing governments push this carbon hysteria as a way to redistribute wealth from those who create it to those who form these governments’ voter base, then you probably believe Al Gore is in the lucrative Gaia business for something other than the cash, the Nobels and the Oscars.

Judge: “He was not keen to eat the meat, he just was hungry”, so I’ll go easy on him:

Sergey Gavrilov secured reduced time in jail after confessing: ‘I did not like the meat very much. It was too fatty. But I was so hungry, I had to eat it.’

The 27-year-old was given a lenient prison sentence because the judge said he was starving and needed to eat after spending all his money on vodka and gambling machines.

The Russian man hit his mother Lyubov, 55, over the head with a brick and then strangled her with an electric cable following a row over her refusal to give him her pension money to spend on alcohol.

A court heard how he put her body on the balcony of the family flat near Samara, in southern Russia, and took her allowance before going on a two day drinking and gambling binge.

Returning to the flat, he soon ran out of food and started slicing meat from his mother’s body.  

‘She was frozen, like meat in the freezer,’ he told police.

He cooked soup and pasta with meat from his mother’s body over a period of more than a month, he said.   

The Russian criminal code dictates 15 years in jail for his crimes but the judge said he was reducing it slightly because Gavrilov – who previously served time in jail for robbery – pleaded guilty and ‘he was not keen to eat the meat, he just was hungry’.

Gavrilov was jailed for 14 years and three months.  

Psychiatric tests found the man was ‘normal’ mentally and fully aware of what he was doing.

I don’t know what is more remarkable – the judge’s reasoning or the fact that 15 years in jail is all one normally gets in Russia for killing his mother for her pension money and eating her.

How liberal is Europe? This will give you an idea:

In 2007, Abdelmalek Bayout admitted to stabbing and killing a man and received a sentenced of 9 years and 2 months. Last week, Nature reported that Pier Valerio Reinotti, an appeal court judge in Trieste, Italy, cut Bayout’s sentence by a year after finding out he has gene variants linked to aggression.

If it’s not his fault, why not just set him free? His genes made him do it. Are we supposed to be able to control our genes?

Her 19-year-old husband is facing six years in prison for having sex with a minor. Judging by her photo, though, he may be telling the truth when he says he thought she was 15.

The story read like a sensation until it became clear that these people were Gypsies. From what I know about Eastern European Gypsies, it’s nothing out of the ordinary for them. The girl’s grandmother says that much:

‘It’s normal for our girls to have babies young. It’s our tradition. But I didn’t want it for my Kordeza – I felt she was too young.’

 The girl obviously had a different opinion, as it appears from the report that she pursued the man deliberately.

Six-step instructions for defusing an atomic bomb, so that you’re prepared when an opportunity comes.

It would be great if they also gave a description of how an atomic bomb looks, so that you know it’s not some pedestrian conventional bomb when you see it, and don’t use the wrong defusing technique.